July!

It is already July! I'm going to sit for a critical paper on Thu, a financial accounting paper and suddenly that tingling feeling inside of me telling me that it is going to be..soon! Aiyo.
I don't think I'm all prepared yet. Shoes belom beli. Baju belom ambik and belom fitting. Waaarghhhhh.. August is waving.. Adoh adoh adoh. Sit for the finals dolok can? *smacks head*

He is coming.

At the airport atm, waiting for Addruse and his family to arrive. I really hope things will turn out to be even better. I have become an indecisive person, I need to put my foot down. Ya Allah, give me the strength.

A bit better.

After watching 3 idiots, reality starts to knock. People has been telling me to watch it. I watched it not during the best time but somehow, in a way, it made me realized.. The biggest mistake, wait.. Not a mistake. The biggest obstacle that I am having to reach the star. Talked to a person who understands, who feels the same way, made me feel a little bit lighter. Not entirely but it felt good. The hardest thing to do is to declare defeat.
I think I was too proud. Arrogant, maybe. Yea, maybe that. Killed the simple old me. I dislike the new me. I like my old self better. I will try to change, I promise. Ya Allah, please help me, show me the right path. Amin.

Sick teddy.

I have a cough, a cold and tad fever. Tomorrow is my second paper. Oh dear oh dear. Gotta study nevertheless. Ngu.

Inferior.. Or lack of effort?

As a student, I will rant about my student life.
I sat for my law paper today and I don't know if it was tough or even easy. The spot questions I got was totally the same questions in the paper. Oh dear, should I pay more attention to all those rumors? I know now that I can't ignore them but that was not the problem. After the exams, I went to check my carry marks with the rest of my friends. So far, they are the ones who excel in class. I still want to be that person but somehow i can't. I have no idea where all my knowledge went. I don't know why but I kind of feel that I don't own the same brain anymore. Did I put too much pressure to it? Even if I do, its supposed to get all better no? Is it me or is it Shah Alam? Is it just me or is it actually that every single person has faced the same reality as a student? Was I too pampered? Or is it really the life in Shah Alam that makes me this way? So many questions have been playing in mind with no answers.

Troubled-mind.

Its been four months since the start of the semester. Life has been hectic, I didn't play as much and I have no idea if I enjoyed life as much either. Things have been rough, I could not focus in studies. Dugaan nak oh. There are more downs than ups. This place, students are bright, geniuses and I am just one ordinary person who has been given the chance to be among them but it is hard as a jawbreaker. I'm grateful that I'm here but I am not like the rest of the babes, the motivation, the brains, the esteem, its not to anyone's expectation. I might be the best student previously but I am competing with the best students all over Malaysia and I can see that I am not even close to be called one anymore. Can you feel how inferior I feel?

Sometimes, I just could not take the pressure. Sometimes, I'd breakdown and cry. Sometimes, I ignore the facts that some people are better than me but most of the time, I will be under a shelter with no walls. Literally. What is this feeling? Inferiority, low self esteem, peer pressure, you name it. I would be nominated for all of those above. I even suffered from major migraine every now and then. Is God punishing me for my sins? Is God trying my faith? Ya Allah, whatever it is You are doing, please keep me strong. Give me the strength as a Muslimah, a solehah to go through all these. At times, maybe I have forgotten You but most of the time, You will be the One I will turn to. InsyaAllah.

Exams are just around the corner. Please lift up my burden off my shoulders. Allahumma yassir wala tu 'assir. Kau permudahkanlah urusanku, Ya Allah. Amin ya Rabbal Al-amin..