Its been four months since the start of the semester. Life has been hectic, I didn't play as much and I have no idea if I enjoyed life as much either. Things have been rough, I could not focus in studies. Dugaan nak oh. There are more downs than ups. This place, students are bright, geniuses and I am just one ordinary person who has been given the chance to be among them but it is hard as a jawbreaker. I'm grateful that I'm here but I am not like the rest of the babes, the motivation, the brains, the esteem, its not to anyone's expectation. I might be the best student previously but I am competing with the best students all over Malaysia and I can see that I am not even close to be called one anymore. Can you feel how inferior I feel?
Sometimes, I just could not take the pressure. Sometimes, I'd breakdown and cry. Sometimes, I ignore the facts that some people are better than me but most of the time, I will be under a shelter with no walls. Literally. What is this feeling? Inferiority, low self esteem, peer pressure, you name it. I would be nominated for all of those above. I even suffered from major migraine every now and then. Is God punishing me for my sins? Is God trying my faith? Ya Allah, whatever it is You are doing, please keep me strong. Give me the strength as a Muslimah, a solehah to go through all these. At times, maybe I have forgotten You but most of the time, You will be the One I will turn to. InsyaAllah.
Exams are just around the corner. Please lift up my burden off my shoulders. Allahumma yassir wala tu 'assir. Kau permudahkanlah urusanku, Ya Allah. Amin ya Rabbal Al-amin..
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